The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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