ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
