sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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