the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
