I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
