he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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