I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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