Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
