it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
