I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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