i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
