So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
