TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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