does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
