So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
