went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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