Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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