well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
