See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
