You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
