well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
