Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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