When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
