theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm always down for nudity.
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