guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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