Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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