I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
