i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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