The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
