I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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