I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
