Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
