We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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