I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
