You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
