He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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