We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
