I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
