just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
