Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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