Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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