I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
