he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
