his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
