so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
