also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
