you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Alive.
So much puke
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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