new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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