I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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