Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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