You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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