You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
