I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize