I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
