I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
