i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
