You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
