the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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