So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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