Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
