and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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