Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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