they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
