i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
