I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
