We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
