that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize