Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
