One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
