I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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