What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize