first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
