wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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