i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
