$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
